Joe the Plumber, Country Star?

Joe the Plumber is ready to rock with Aaron Tippin. And why not invite Jeff Guckert-Gannon to the party?

By Randy Harward

We know that a country star has to have three names, but Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher? Sure, Joe the Plumber, as Wurzelbacher is known, has that Larry the Cable Guy ring, but this blue collar fraud/fame-grabbing douchebag now thinks he has what it takes to be a shitkickin' country star. Just like Aaron Tippin, the ostensibly straight-proclaiming, gay-appearing "patriotic" country star and part of the braintrust, along with booker-manager Bobby Roberts and publicity firm The Press Office, that signed Joe the Plumber to a deal that may include a contract with a major record label.

Can you believe this shit? Check out what The Press Office told Politico.com about JTP's musical credentials:

Among the requests: a possible record deal with a major label, personal appearances and corporate sponsorships. A longtime country music fan, Wurzelbacher can sing and "knocks around on guitar" but is not an accomplished musician or songwriter, according to The Press Office's Jim Della Croce. "He's a complicated guy with a very dynamic personality," Della Croce told Politico. "He can sing and obviously has a strong political point of view."

Well, maybe it's not so surprising. Joe the Plumber doesn't have a license to plumb, and probably only sings in the shower. Sarah Palin didn't have a passport until 2006, but wants to be Assistant to the Regional Manager of the United States of America. The Bush Administration let a gay rent boy join the White House Press Corps. To say nothing of the fact that our current president is an all-around dingleberry who lucked into the family business and stole the highest elected office out from under our noses.

You know what? Joe the Plumber looks a lot like that rent boy, Jeff Guckert (or Jeff Gannon, whatever). And check out Tippin's 'stache and come-hither leer. Maybe there's something there, and we can expect a series of DVDs (License to Plumb, Knockaround Guys: The Reaming, Working Class Ass, NASCAR Nights/Fire Island Days) to hit adult bookstores--in the super-secret hypocrites-only room.