READING IS FUCKINMENTAL / Jason Matthew Smith

NO COUNTRY FOR PANSIES

You will read this archaic, pseudo-biblical diction, pal--and you will like it.

I’m late to the game on this, but I read Cormac McCarthy’s No Country for Old Men not too long ago. Yes, I know there was a movie by the same name that won some awards at some kind of big-time movie show or some shit like that. But I refused to see the movie before reading book. The reason is simple, folks: I refuse to let some Hollywood starlet humper (some of you call them “directors”) dictate how I will experience a story. That’s between me and Mr. McCarthy, thank you very much.

Anyhow, after thoroughly enjoying NC for OM, I dove right into McCarthy’s Blood Meridian. Holy Jesus. What a beautiful, bloody, ass kicking tale that is. Forget about those supposed badasses you’ve seen in celluloid Westerns. Clint Eastwood is a corset-clad, simpering little milksop compared to the dirt-eating boys in Blood Meridian. Yeah, I know the complaints about Meridian: “I don’t understand it, the language is too hard to follow … why can’t he write it in plain English?” Suck it up. Sometimes reading is hard. McCarthy is employing an archaic, pseudo-biblical diction that’s perfect for this kind of story. If you don’t want to work that hard for your entertainment, stick to pawing your way through your girlfriend’s Victoria Secret catalog, tough guy.    

Jason Matthew Smith is a Texan who never developed an accent, thanks to a steady diet of television reruns during his formative years. He now lives in Utah, where everyone thinks he sounds just like John Astin, the original Gomez Addams.