Winehouse Planned Entire 007 LP? WTF?!?

Blurt has the skinny, addled scoop.

By Randy Harward

BLURT’s moles keep singin' for their supper. By now you know Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson are no longer authoring a theme to the upcoming James Bond film Quantum of Solace, and they've been replaced by Jack White and Alicia Keys. What hasn't been reported—'til now—is that Winehouse was actually planning an entire album of songs inspired by the Bond franchise. We've been slipped some song titles, including Winehouse's notes and lyrics.  

"On Her Majesty's Secret Stash"

'Ow many times 'ave I got to say

Mama's stash is mama's stash

Touch my shit and I'll touch you

Now don't you wanna taste mama's… (NOTE: Find good rhyme for 'stash'. Sumpin' sexy.)

"Quarter-Ounce of Solace"

I'm fuggin' stressed, 'ere, Mark. Come on, now—just a li'l bonger to get through the verse? Please? Wotsa mat'er, luv? You want me to beg? I can do that. I can do it good.

"Octopussy"

No, really. Eight of 'em. In the loo. I swear. Slimy li'l buggers. Don't let 'em eat me!

"A Gram Is Not Enough (To Charge Me With Intent to Distribute)"

That's not my bag, it's his. Bugger off, Mark. Fuggin' cunt, you are.

"Goldlunger"

Well, I may 'ave TB

May 'ave emphysema

May sound like I been livin'

In a trailer from FEMA

But you know, you know

Even my phlegm is gold

I'll hock that shit on the sidewalk

Then the pawn shop

And still be rich as hell

"For Your Veins Only"

Well, it's a love le'er to Blake, innit? I got some bloody good shit I'm savin' for 'im. Oh, fuck it. He'll be gone for two more years and I'll be dead by then. Anyone for a bump?

"You Only Die Once (Bullshit)"

Who the 'ell resuscita'ed me? Fuck!