KID ROCK TO LEFSETZ: "ILL BE SERIOUS"

Responding to industry blogger’s comments, rap-rocker lets the CAPS, exclamation points, f-bombs, fellatio denial n’ shit fly.

By Randy Harward

No one ever accused Kid Rock of being a Pulitzer Prize-winning author or even a Publisher’s Clearinghouse prizewinner, but the trailer park rock star’s response to a recent edition of The Lefsetz Letter [Note: circulated via email tonight, but yet to appear on the LL site] is borderline ILLiterate, and ILLogical.

Lefsetz pondered whether or not Kid Rock is selling 100,000 CDs per week is because his record is unavailable via iTunes. He also contemplates whether Jay-Z’s decision to offer American Gangster only as a full-album download on Apple’s music service, as opposed to allowing buyers to choose individual tracks, killed its sales—and whether the only reason Katy Perry has done so well is that her album is available in piecemeal so people can scarf up her calorie-light single with the ripped-off title and theme. Lefsetz also conjectures that Kid Rock’s sales may be due to his older crowd, status as a career artist, and capability of making an album that is “good.”

Rock’s rejoinder is mostly about sucking dick and how he, just like his musical, ideological and personal antithesis James McMurtry, doesn’t do that. In an expletive- and exclamation point-laden rant that begins (all quotes verbatim, with formatting left as-is)…

GET OFF MY DICK"!!!    ......that was gonna be my email, hahahaha, but were buddies now, so ill be serious!!

…and probably passes for a graduate thesis around Rock’s doublewide tour bus, he laments that artists no longer connect with their audiences.

I really believe its about a connection to the artist and the "lack of" that plays a big part in this. When I would hear a Bob Seger or Run DMC record as a  kid, I really believed they WERE the songs, and that they were who they sang and wrote about. I think that connection, especially in pop music has been missing for sometime. Shit, I dont think kids even believe in half the rappers are who they claim to be anymore.

Yes, we’re all devastated when we find out a public figure—especially a rapper—is frontin’. But is he saying he’s not putting on a show? Well, mayhap he isn’t—er, ain’t. One thing you can say about Kid Rock is that his shit-talkin’ trailer trash trucker countenance is intact (like he tells Lefsetz: you ll never beat word of mouth on a good product!), even if his logic and syntax sometimes are not.

Here’s another verse from his Lefsetz epistle, this time about why radio sucks the dick and, surprisingly, how McMurtry’s song “Cheney’s Toy” is a hit (pretty surprising, coming from Bush supporter).

On another note, the radio has fucked so much of it up, for instance, that James Mcmurty song is a pop hit, but they know he wont suck thier dick so they say fuck him and as a result kids lose out on hearing a great song and pop music suffers. Now obviously i dont suck dick either, but i know how to put my arm around em and make em feel good, maybe tickle thier balls a little if it means more people will hear my music. BUT NO DICK SUCKING!! Programmers are not the fucking stars, artists are, but if they would rather party with brittney or mariah rather than folks like me, thier missing one hell of a party!! I mean ,I wanna be friends with radio and have met some good folks in it, but overall they make it very difficult with the politics and bullshit, and the record companys share in that as well. (shit, sometimes us artists do too)

And this biggest thing is, you ll never beat word of mouth on a good product! And when people love something, theyll do whatever it takes to get it. Itunes is convienient, but so is Mcdonalds, but....... a lotta people still wait in line and make reservations to eat elsewhere!! Sometimes when you believe in yourself and your product, NO is the best answer. Thiers plenty of ways to have big sales without itunes (or conventional wisdom), i just proved it! (dont mean to toot my own horn but BEEP FUCKING BEEP!!!! haha)

Whuuuuh? He’s the upscale alternative to McSpears and McCarey? He’s a pop artist just like them. And he is—or at least was—friends with radio. Maybe that’s why he’s a little prick…ly. The industry is changing even for him, and when CDs go away, if Kid Rock doesn’t embrace iTunes, et al, he and his luddite fanbase may have a problem. So yeah, dude, don’t suck off the programmers—you should be blowin’ the online music services. You know, after the marketing tricks cease to be effective. There’s some conventional wisdom for ya.

bottom line, lets bring some creativity back into this buisness and make it fun again,lifes too short, thats where im at with things.

A one-note trick like Kid Rock is gonna breathe life into a dying… business? Music is art, asshole. That’s the difference between you and guys like Neil Young.

and ps, Mellencamp has credability oozing out of his hit makin ass!!

Yeah, he does. Probably a convoy of new Chevy Silverados, too. And of course you’d be the guy to understand selling out.

ps (i know my typing and shit sux)

tReU dAt!!!!