Gary Glitter Gets the Boot (Pt. 2)

All greased up and nowhere to go.... foreign policy expert Sarah Palin reportedly negotiating with Glitter's handlers for a relocation procedure.

By Fred Mills

Now THAT's rock ‘n' roll: the UK press is reporting that erstwhile glam rocker Gary Glitter, 64, a convicted pedophile who returned to Britain last month following his release from prison in Vietnam, has been evicted from his house in London. He'd been renting a flat at the Mayfair (weekly ticket: £2,000 - wish WE could afford that next time we get out of jail) but apparently his neighbors took offense at his presence.

London's The Sun quoted one of its ever-reliable "sources" about the matter: "It turned out certain neighbours objected to him being there. I mean, would you pay over a million quid for a flat to find out Gary Glitter has moved in next door? Talk about driving down your property price. Paul [Gadd, his real name] has run out of friends to turn to. The only places left are Scottish islands miles from anywhere. Nobody wants him as a neighbour.

"Paul really reveled in his new address. He said he had always wanted to live in Mayfair and deserved to finally get back to the high life. He even joked about living near ‘Queenie'. He was pretty stunned to find he wasn't welcome. He said, ‘Why me? Not this again'."

Yeah, duh.

Glitter had spent nearly three years in a Vietnamese prison for having sex with 10- and 11-year old girls. Released in August, he initially went to Thailand where he sought to obtain residency in Hong Kong, not wanting to return to England where he'd also spent time in jail for downloading child porn and would have his activities closely monitored by authorities.

A drama unfolded on August 20 at the Bangkok airport when he apparently "feigned ear and heart problems" (according to an earlier report by The Sun) and "twice refused to take planes to London" and eventually took off for Hong Kong. (A British official sent to persuade Glitter to return to England was quoted at the time as saying, "Glitter knows he has snookered us. All the way through he was a belligerent bastard. We reached a stalemate where the Thai authorities eventually said he had to leave. As we couldn't legally force him to return to Britain he finally agreed to Hong Kong. As he left us he grinned and sang the old Rolling Stones line ‘I'm free to do what I want, any old time'.") But upon arriving in Hong Kong he was refused entry and turned back.

At any rate, The Sun's report today, titled "Where Will the Rat Run?", indicated that Glitter is "still wealthy thanks to overseas royalties" and the "part sale of his back catalogue" so can pretty much afford to go wherever he wants - if the neighborhood will take him. He moved out of his flat with the help of what's described as "a team of Russian ex-military minders" he employed.

The newspaper has helpfully provided a world map highlighting possible spots on the globe Glitter could move to next. Among them: Siberia ("with any luck his bollocks would freeze off"), Chernobyl ("nobody can live there for fear of illness. Glitter could give it a go, though"), the Aussie outback ("it's very popular with reptiles") and our own Alaska ("hunters like wannabe Vice-President Sarah Palin are keen to take potshots at all kinds of beasts here").

We vote for Alaska.